Ask The Physcotic Crossdressing Palmtree
by ICanHazCheeseBurgerRawr
Summary: Come up with questions you may want to ask this, "thing". Honestly, if he murders one of you, don't sue. T for some questions? I dunno. You choose. :D
1. Teh Envy In Teh House

**Me: I SRSLY DON'T OWN FMA. D: DUN' SUE ME! I really love these, so...xD**

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**OKAY. I get it I am a crossdressing palmtree with a strange obsession of putting my hands to my hips and shaking them like a girly man! No need to cr- WHAT THE- OKAY? WHO MADE THIS FANFICTION? I AM TRYING TO KILL MY BROTHER NOT IMPREGNATE HIM! God...you people are like fangir- okay, you are. Anyway, send me some questions and I might answer them, or I may just kill you, because we all know.**

****I'm just that awesome. :D


	2. What Am I?

**Me: So sorreh I could not post this chapter sooner! I do not own FMA!**

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**Envy: Yay, I got questions with some actual purpose. I feel so happy.**

****Ed: SILENCE I KEEL YOU!

Envy: *Roundhouse kick.* :|

Envy: Anyway, here are the questions.

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**Megan May Asks**

** Envy,**

**Despite what people say about your palm treeish form, I think you're very sexy :P I have a question for you.**

**There have been debates on whether you are a boy or a girl, what's your opinion on it?**

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Answer: Yes that is me. And thanks for calling me sexy, atleast I have a slight urge not to kill you now.

...What? I don't have breasts. It's not my fault that, that monster put me in this. In the manga, I am nothing. But I'm pretty sure in the anime I am a male.

**Send me more.**

**Just watch out because I hate a lot of you.**

**Just for pairing me up with my brother and Wrath.**

**Heck, you guys even pair me up with Lust.**

**Screw you people.**

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Envy's kidding, deep down in his heart...he still loves you! D:

Envy: .


	3. You All Can Burn Love Ya

**BWAHA! Sorry for not updating sooner, I kind of just...yeah. I STILL DON'T OWN FMA, NOR WILL I EVAH!**

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We got questions. Lot's, you guys must love me. Kiss my sexy smooth. W-wait! I didn't mean it, retards! Anyway, here's the questions. Which I may or may not gladly answer.

**ImNedBigby can't login**

**LOL XDD okkk that cracked me up! *Coughs* Anyway, I got some questions for you palmtree, *Cough* Envy. And I'm not fangirl.**

**Ok, here's question 1: Why are you so mean to Ed and Al? They're just kids! Well, not ordinary kids but they're still kids you butthead!**

**Question 2: Why do you hate us humans so much what did we ever do to you? O_o?**

**Question 3: Will you beat me up and just simply be a bully to me? I'm bored XD I dare you to. =P**

**Question 4: Have you played video games even though you're a homonculus?**

What's up, ImNedBigby, I will answer you questions, HAPPILY.

Ehem.

1) They come from the same blood as the bastard that created me.

2) You're from the same kind as the bastard who created me.

3) I will gladly beat you into a pulp, pipsqueak.

4) Kingdom Hearts, only because I think we relate to Org XII. (Which Rawr does not own, so don't sue, or I might kill you.)

**Kuroya-hime**

**Dearest darlngest, Envy-chan.**

**We all know you shapeshift sooo...why a palmtree? I mean seriously your real form in the first anime as Eds half bro was pretty sexy, even if it was only for a second...so while I can't say your sexy now...But the whole palmtree and skirt makes you look totally uke...I bet Lust would top you...so really if you want to stop letting people rape Edo-kun...I sgest to get ugly...or sxer.**

_Dearest, Darlngest, Kuroya-hime._

It wasn't my idea to become a palmtree, and I know I'm sexy. Oh, and by the by.

I'm ALWAYS the one banging, don't you forget that.

And Lust can go burn in the nearest gate.

And I don't care if Ed has children, they're all dying by the hands of me.

Oh, and I have gotten sexier, thank you very much.

**KingofHeartless'09**

**Can I join his group and become a homonculus? Lol.**

I could kill you, but I'm not making you a homonculus, silly human.

**Dear Envy,**

**go to hell fore killing Hughes.**

**Love or hate.**

**Vegeta.**

Already in it, Vajayjay. Heart, heart.

**EuphrasieTheOwl**

**So, Envy,**

**Was there ever a little something-something going on between you and Lust?  
'Cuz I think there was.**

**And yes, you should kill your brother instead of impregnating him.**

**Luvs.**

**And Owl commonly known as Euphrasie.**

Dear, Euphrasie.

No way in hell.

I agree.

Hate you to.

Have fun.

**Someone**

**Hai! Okay, this seems like fun so...**

**Envy- Since you're a palmtree can I have a coconut?**

**and second how does it feel when Ed kicks your ass?**

**and thirdly can you still kill people if you're a worm?**

**Kay, thanks!**

Hi, person.

I am not a godamn palmtree, chibi-san.

It feels..?

Did you not see me bite the hell out of that guy? He was dying painfully.

**Shadow The Twilight Princess**

**ok, what is your opinion on the crappiest, gayest girl in the world, Justin Bieber?**

Hey, Shadow. How's your Envy doing?

I want to murder that girl, he's even more crossdressier then me, wait what?

Anyways, thanks for the questions.

Even though I still hate you all.

Bye, Chibi's!


	4. Godamn You Kiwi

**Me: Once, again. Hai.**

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Okay, so some idiotic fangirl sent me a buttloads of questions. (A.N: I LOVE YOU KIWI!) So, most of the questions you guys have been wondering about, will be answered.

Well, here it goes.

**Hyperwiwi asks:**

**My dear amigo Envy...Env...Envidia...invidiousness...:)**

**I will ask the following questions...**

**please answer honestly...if you dare! XD**

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**1. If you could name yourself something else what would it be?**

Something less girly, like...Imkillingyoupainfully.

**2. Which version of the anime do you prefer best? The first one or the second one that is more manga based?**

The second one was so much better...but I died, so first.

**3. What did you think of your supposed suicide at the end of the second anime series?**

Psh, I wanted to die. Pretty obvious isn't it? Didn't deserve that much crap.

**4. You answered before saying that in the anime that you were a guy...does that make you straight...or gay...or?**

Godamnit, woman. It's up to the godamn creator, not me. HOPEFULLY, I am straight, but you people pair me up with the most gayest characters.

**5. Do you like any anime, manga, or comic?**

Hrm. I really enjoyed Higurashi, which Rawr does not own. So much death, it tickled my stomach.

**6. What type of music do you like?**

Metal.

**7. Am I already annoying you with these questions?**

I really want to kill you right now.

**8. How would you kill the weird sparkly vampires from Twilight? **

Ehem, well. First I would get Edward Cullen to go after Wrath, because he is a pedobear, THEN I would sneak behind him, and stab him in the head, THEN, I would grab a chainsaw, and do unexplainable things, THEN I would chop him up limb by limb, and throw him in a river, THEN I would stab the body with a pitchfork, THEN I would make Roy light the body on fire even if he is in a river, THEN I would put the ashes in a bag, and send it to Puerto Rico. That is how I would kill all the things I don't own. Oh, and then I would kill Wrath.

**9. How old are you?**

Older then you.

**11. Are you still virgin?**

HOPEFULLY, you guys make me have sex with everyone I hate.

**12. Have you ever traveled outside the FMA world?**

Y'know how I didn't appear for a long time? Yeah, that was because I was stuck in effing Mexico, with my family. Palmtrees...everywhere.

**13. If you had a pet what would you name it?**

Shredder.

**14. Which one of your homonculus brothers is more annoying?**

I hate Greed alot, but atleast he didn't try to stop me from murdering my brother.

**15. Are you involved in any current relationship?**

Let me see, apparently I am hooked up with, Lust, Sloth, EDWARD, Al, and Wrath? What the gate is wrong with you people?

**16. Have you ever worked as a proffesional model?**

...Project Runaway. (So do not own. xD)

**17. How annoying are my questions on a scale to 1 to ten?**

11.

**18. Envy, what or do you envy?**

Everything I don't have.

**19. What was your expression when you saw these many, many, pointless questions?**

:|

**20. Want to be my hate buddy?**

We could hate all night long. You and me, making sweet, sweet, hatred.

**Most random and pointless questions of them all...**

**21. Have you ever considered traveling to Puerto Rico during Summer break?**

I have to visit my family, sadly.

**22. Did I cause some entertainment with these random fucked up questions?**

Oh, HELL NO. Go burn, bitch.

**HEARTS, TO YOU ALL. :D**

Once again, burn Hyperwiwi, I don't know why Rawr loves you.

Send me more questions, plox.


	5. Mommy, they told me I was a pikanya

Oh my god, I literally laughed my ass off at some of these questions but none the less, next chapter.

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"Why the fucking gate am I wearing a collar?"

"I-it looks good on you!"

"GET OUT YOU STUPID FANGIRL!"

Ehem.

"Anyways, yeah, I'm here to answer your oh so dirty and oh so stupid questions so I guess I'll start with the one bitch who made the last chapter extremely long again, thanks again...Kiwi."

**Hyperwiwi**

**LMAO! Thanks so much for answering my questions you freaky green seed of envy XD.**

**I'm going to tell all my friends so they can ask you too! :3**

**btw...**

**What's your favorite cookie? Who do you have a crush on? Where do you live now? :P**

**P.S (I love you to Cheese!)**

"...Thanks? Wait, oh HELL no! Oh dear gods just give me another stone and end me NOW! Gaaaaah! Lemon,...*cough* Lust, and I live in the depths of the gate and authoresses/fangirls minds."

**Stitched- On Smiles**

**Dear Envy-sama,**

**If you could kill one more in-real-life person,**

**who would it be?**

**Also, if you weren't a homunculus what species would you be?**

**Your fangirl,**

**Stitchy-san. **

"Yes, I do enjoy the sama. And I would probably castrate Bill O'Reilly, slowly and painfully...with the hand of a child...yeah...oh. What. The. Fuck? Fine, I'd either be a human, a lizard, or a palm tree, happy? You better be. ~Your End, Envy-SAMA!"

**Stiched-On Smiles**

**Oh, Envy-sama a few more questions!:**

**What is your favorite thing that doesn't involve death, manipulation, torture, or pain?**

**Also, if you HAD to be in love with a human, who would it be?**

**And in the game, it says you enjoy chocolate parfaits. Is this true? Can I make you some? (*w*)**

**Final question Envy-chan~,**

**Who is your favorite human, in your world, an anime, or in ours?**

**-Once again your darling Stichy-san.**

"Sit on my lazy ass and watch mean girls all night. Megan is such a bitch. Oh gods! I HAVE to? Hrm...that one hobo who I always see when I got to 7 Eleven, yes I go to 7 Eleven. Oh my god! Yes! They're so yummy it's- I mean. Yeah...and WOULD YOU REALLY? I LOVE YOU! ...I take back all of which I have just said."

**Envy's 1 Fan Kiwi's Friend**

**K so Kiwi sent me to bother you even further. I got to say I am your number 1# fan, Envy. I have posters of you, keychains, drawings, sigs, action figures, and even more things! You're just too awesome! Alright here is a few questions.**

**How much did you enjoy killing Hughes?**

**Would you ever get a haircut?**

**Do you like art?**

**What bothers you the most?**

**Do you find Lust attractive?**

**Why do you exist? (Rawr: Ouch...)**

**Do you watch hentai?**

**Have you read the Bleach manga?**

**Who do you think would win a fight between Wrath and Kenpachi?**

**Who is your favorite anime/manga character?**

**What would you ask him/her?**

**Which look of yourself do you prefer? (old fma, or brotherhood)**

**Do you like my friend Kiwi?**

**Do you like me?**

**K, I'm tired now. Going to bed. By Envs. :3**

"It felt pretty damn nice actually, I didn't even fill a ping of guilt thanks to the fact I can't feel guilt! And NO, I would NEVER cut off my precious hair, you sick monster. Arts fine if it has blood in it. And Lust is...okay. WHAT? Why the fuck do you mean, "Why do you exist? *inter trollface here*" I exist to erm...I...ex-damnit, I don't know. And I have, pretty good, I hate that Whoro girl though. Kenpachi, 'nuff said. Wrath is a big ass crybaby. My favorite would probably have to be Hidan or Mion Sonozaki, because Hidan orgasms off of blood, and Mion is a pretty damn good laugher. "Where the fuck did you get that scythe?" "Can I borrow your torture room tonight?" Brotherhood for sure, I had nicer legs. LOLNO. You're better then her. Night bitch. Do any of my action figures happen to be nude? If so...fuck you."

**Aquamarine Silvertail**

**Envy is my favorite hom...homen...pikanya? -_-' whatever.**

**although i first thought he was female.**

**Questions**

**1: You're not interested in romance at all are you?**

**2: Mind if I help you out and kill Rawr?**

**3. You have cool hair, so does that kid homen-whatever.**

**4: YOU ARE AWESOME! I wish I could be a homen-whatever!**

"...I do not relate to such a thing- WHAT THE FUCK I DON'T HAVE BREASTS! Damn skippy I'm not...did you just say you could KILL Rawr? Holy f, yes. I know I do- DO NOT SPEAK OF WRATH IN MY PRESENCE BITCH! I WILL DO THE SAME THING TO YOU AS I DID TO HIM! And I know I am~ And you probably don't unless you want Wrath claiming your his mom and having breakdowns, Lust comparing boob sizes, Sloth being Sloth, Gluttony asking if he could eat you, Greed undressing you, and Pride being the idiotic homicidal nerd he is.**"**

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**Talk about PMSing.**

**Send me more questions and Envy will not so gladly answer!**

**And...and...why in the name of Jashin-sama would you want to kill me? D:  
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